You have a crazy heart—your love gracefully savage. Like The Fire—I can hear the insanity of your song....

4 months ago

Latest Post Wàn 萬 by Arsalan Lavang

She looked at him, angered and slightly bewildered.  "Horse shit...", she didn't want to look at the letter she told Amir.  Her hands seemed to grip the pages with an unresting fury—tearing it apart without the slightest glance at it.

Amir's complexion began looking pale, and at this point on his journey, a descent into hell seemed imminent for him.  He knew before leaving that he needed to be strong for her, and despite having grown tired of the exceedingly tragic circumstances, he decided to lock his fate towards his desire for her.  He often argued with himself, and insisted: God is Love, and forgives his servants.  No matter what disturbed him—down to his core, he held onto his belief.

He played with the itch in his head with a light finger, and didn't know how to smile while feeling the agony of his own evil burning through his bones.  He said, quite simply—with a hesitation you would hear from a toddler: "I love you, that's the only reason I've come here again, and again.  To find you.  I am really lost, please I need you to read this, maybe you'll understand what's happening."  He recalled the entranced and loving care to which she dedicated herself all her life, and decided that he wouldn't allow her to feel the burden of what might come next.  He smiled: "I brought a second one, I don't know why—I am terrified and on the brink of loosing my mind, but I knew I had to bring this second one."

He approached her slightly, with trembling steps, and stopped close enough where she could reach him.  Taking a slow, deep breath, the salty breeze of the sea made its way along with his tragedy, calming his soul to the melody of her song.  His heart however didn't have a moment's rest from the twisted clamour of its beating:  "I am going to keep smiling for you sweetheart, you're going to remember something inshallah—but you'll remember me smiling for you, now that I am finally with you.  I need you to make me right again."

He held back the torrent of emotions that weighed him down—immovable, and said with every effort held in his mind to convince her to guide him out of his agony:  "You told me once you'd help me when the time came.  I need you to read this." He began loosing his focus, and stood slightly hunched with a daze that let him know any more pressure would make him collapse.  Amir's eyes made no attempt to move at all, and though he started speaking again, he simply said: "my crime is having been in denial in the court of Love."

She noticed his troubled look, as though something horrible had struck him to the ground repeatedly.  She looked at him carefully now, and said with a calm voice that cut him with deep precision:  "You've been twisted—it's retribution."  She kept looking at him blankly, though a smile started cutting through her iron clad demeanour: "Ça va être vite fait".  Her orders echo'd like a dark heavy liquid at the edge of an abyss.

Not entirely certain where she heard those words, her curiosity pleaded her to have a look.  "Pass it here"—she sulked while looking at his fingertips as they held the letter by its bend.  She decided to lean forward, grabbing it while his gaze slowly wandered to the floor, and at that moment opened it—reading it to herself.

Elizabeth, I don't know what happened sweetheart—I just remember it as bad dreams.  I started recollecting strange memories, and at first I thought maybe they were fictitious, that I had somehow lost it entirely.  Then the oddest thing happened, and it all got twisted somehow.  I am not sure how to begin this in a letter, but I had to write something down for you to read.  I know you're much stronger than I am, which makes it all the more important.  You forgot something on purpose for me, I need you to remember it.

I had this engraved before leaving you.  It should help you remember.  I place my trust in Allah!  Inshallah, we'll find our place of peace.

The still silence
brings me back home to you.

I have something to tell you, but before we can start, you have to help me breathe.

You are my first memory—following you full of joy.  You were my shade in the heat of the scorching sun, but now I am consumed in a blazing furnace.  I am loosing my mind, my entire being is in anguish.  I don't know how long I can hold onto these few moments of clarity, I need the strength of your love to help me out of this.  I can't think without you.

She kept looking at the letter, her memories slowly resurfacing, and like the keen, arresting stare of a tigress, she looked up saying: "I am going to make you feel what you did.  Now that I've finally found you again, I can see a dance of fire in your eyes.  You're in trouble..."

Amir's pulse began showing its tortured rhythm—its endless surge pushing against his jugular.  Though feeling lost, and frightened by what he thought he had seen, he pushed his thoughts aside, and tried looking at her—without the delirious noise in his head.  He wanted to see her through his engulfing darkness."

I want you to do right." She smiled, almost laughingly.  She didn't intend on hurting him, but knew he had come to understand something of importance from her.

"We'll go slowly... together."  She smiled, careening him into the adornment of her countenance—a soft kiss. "Feel better?" she kept smiling, with an alluring distress.  He felt the difficult intensity of the moment for her—brushing the tips of his fingers against the edge of her temple until it met the soft nape of her neck."

Who do you trust?" she touched the lobe of his ear as though she was drawing it with tender curiosity.  "You told me marriage is trust" he said with some confused joy.  "Did you miss me sweetie?"  Her sigh made way to playful laughter."

Kiss me" Amir kept hearing, like a fading echo.  She didn't take her eyes off him, directing all her senses at seeing him with the force of a thousand eyes. Feeling elated by her determination, Amir still had trouble stopping himself from trembling by what he didn't know to be a dream, a memory, or horse shit, as she had vehemently stated.  Taking a moment to move closer to her caress, his eyes lit up while everything around him started disappearing with the memory of dying in her welcoming bosom.

"You have a crazy heart—your love gracefully savage.  Like The Fire—I can hear the insanity of your song."  She whispered in his ear.

Arsalan Lavang

Published 4 months ago

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